"Rock Solid" by Dennis & Barbara Rainey

"He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm." Psalm 40:2 NIV

Yesterday I shared a poem that I use often when I'm speaking or talking with someone about divorce, especially about how it leaves children feeling "split in two," as Jen Abbas put it.
Actually, Jen experienced this twice--once at the age of 6 and again at the age of 18, when her mom and stepfather divorced. The second one caught her as she was leaving home for college, a time in life when she expected her family to be there for her, both to launch her and to provide that "solid patch of land" we all need when we feel unsupported or insecure. But I want you to see again--and be blown away by--the power of the gospel as it descends upon a person who is lost and alone.

When the land cracked under Jen's feet as a college freshman, she jumped--just hoping to land somewhere. She was wide open to any belief system that would win her hand. Islam. Judaism. Taoism. Buddhism. Questioning everything, she went in search of something--anything--that wouldn't prove fickle and fleeting, the way her parents' love had.

But in her quest for spiritual security, she found every path closed and incomplete. There was only one path that stood out--the one with the element of grace embedded in it, the one that wasn't about what she did but about what she could be given.

Divorce had taught this young woman that if you're not always alert, constantly scanning the horizon for warning signs, love could leave. But in the person of Jesus Christ, she discovered that she was loved regardless of her performance. He changed her life.

There's hope for children of divorce--who make up 40 percent of adults today. Hope in Jesus Christ. Hope in His grace to forgive and in His power to help you forgive as well.

Discuss: Share with one another how the love of Jesus Christ has helped you forgive another person.

Pray: Thank Him for His great salvation--He is the only rock any of us truly have to stand on.

Purchase their book Moments with You at local Christian bookstores.

Splitting Headache

"'For I hate divorce,' says the LORD, the God of Israel." Malachi 2:16, NIV

This poem was written by Jen Abbas, then an 18-year-old child of divorce. I've arranged it a little differently on this page than it appears in her book, Generation EX, to make it fit. Its message is too important to allow form to quiet its voice. Listen to "The Eruption."

Divorce is like a trembling earthquake,
The world shakes, rumbling with rage,
And all the anger, guilt, and frustrations
That have been festering for so long below the surface
Suddenly spew upward in an inferno of hate or apathy.
At times the earth calms and you think the turmoil is over,
Settled, stable, but then the cycle begins again,
Repeating, repeating, repeating.
You are weary, you want to rest,
And that is when you realize the shaking has stopped,
But there is an eerie feeling lurking in the air.
You are hesitant to believe anything anymore,
You are so tired after struggling for so long,
And so you rest on the one solid patch of land,
Only to watch it split in two,
Two separate, distinct parts that will never come together again.
Each new patch supports part of you,
And as you watch, they pull away.

This is the type of poem that breaks my heart because it represents so many children who are torn apart by divorce. No matter what you are experiencing in your marriage, and no matter how tough it is, just remember the impact that staying together will have on your children.

Discuss: Promise each other that this will never be the heart's cry of your children. Talk about who you should consider sending this poem to right now.

Pray: Pray for the children of divorce today, who are struggling to be loved and to belong. Pray for a friend who is moving toward a split.

Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage

I recently picked up a book by this title by Kenneth E. Hagin. If you are interested in purchasing the book, visit http://www.rhema.org/bookstore/cart/home.php?cat=121.

I must say that reading this book has helped to clear up some misconceptions that I had regarding divorce. You see, my parents divorced when I was ten years old. It traumatized me a lot. I went through many years of group counseling and individual counseling to deal with everything regarding the divorce. My parents divorce was not messy (as far as I know). I do not remember my parents fighting a lot in front of me. My parents did the best that they could to shield me and protect me, and yet I still dealt with this for many years.

Being from a broken home, I know the pain that a child goes through when a divorce breaks up their family as they know it. I have some friends who are currently separated, and my heart goes out to their children. I think that it would even if I hadn't been through my experience, but my heart aches even more for them because I know what a confusing and hurtful time this is for them.

After my parents' divorce and my mom's death, I personally didn't feel like I had any one to talk to, so I kept everything bottled up inside until the eighth grade when one of my dear friends said, "Stephanie, I think you need to see a counselor. You need to get on with your life." It had been almost four years since the divorce and three years since my mom's death, but I was still stuck in the past. Thank God my friend had the courage to say this to me because it helped me deal with the issues to a certain degree. However, it wasn't until I began seeing a Christian counselor that I really experienced a breakthrough regarding my parents' divorce and my mom's death. It took me close to twenty years to come to grips with both of these events in my life. I am sure that the process could have been faster, but this is what it took me!

A few weeks back, I posted a scripture that I referenced in regards to why Christians shouldn't get divorced. Unfortunately, I failed to read the scripture in context, so this particular scripture was actually Jesus addressing the Jews. However, I still believe that divorce is not the answer for two people who claim Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

Because of both my experience and my husband's experience (his parents divorced when he was four), we vowed in our pre-martial counseling that the "D" word as we called it would never be uttered in our home. We decided before we got married that divorce was simply not an option for us. At this point, neither one of us knew what the Bible said about divorce. We determined that no matter what came into our lives via bad choices or circumstances beyond our control or whatever the devil tried to throw at us, we would stand our ground and do whatever it took to work it out.

The book Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage was very eye opening for me. It helped me to see that as a Christian, I need to make sure that I am walking in the law of love in my marriage and in my life. The Bible tells us in I Corinthians 13:4-8 (Amplified), "Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy ([a]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].

Brother Hagin goes on to boldly say "There has never been an authentic case of two Christians who consistently walked in love ever going to divorce court." I thought to myself, "Wow! That is quite a statement." It made me realize that if we are truly walking in love with our spouse and those in our every day lives, so many of the things that we so often get hung up on would not be as big of a deal to us.

No one ever promised that marriage would be easy. Marriage is a lot of hard work especially when you add kids to the mix because then not only are you trying to do what is best for you and your spouse but also what is best for you and your kids. I believe that a lot of people forget about their spouse when they have children. Obviously there are different seasons when raising children. When you have a new baby, the baby is going to require a lot of time and attention. It is difficult at this point to make your marriage a priority. However, you still CAN DO it! I have a friend who is expecting her first baby in November. Her and her husband have already planned on Tuesday nights being their date night. They also already have babysitting duties lined up. This is the kind of commitment and diligence it takes to keep your marriage strong!

All of this to say, I missed it when I quoted the other Bible verse, but I still believe that as Christians we should not utter the "D" word in our homes. We need to pray for our spouse and pray that God would change us so we can be a better and more loving spouse. I can hear all the thoughts out there, "Well, my spouse isn't very nice to me. Why should I be nice to them?" Because that is what Jesus has commanded us to do through the law of love. Romans 5:5 (Amplified) says, "Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us." I think that too often we try to love our spouse with a natural love when really what we need to do is look to God and allow Him to pour out the love that is already in our hearts through the Holy Spirit.