Who Are You to Judge?

Do not judge lest you be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:1-2

Perhaps the greatest roadblock to loving confrontation is the well-known "log" that seems lodged in your eyes. Such handicapped vision inevitably distorts our relationships, both with God and with each other.

Here are five tips Barbara and I have found useful in keeping judgment out of confrontation:

1. Check your motivation. Are you bringing this up to help or to hurt? Prayer is the best way to check our motives. When we take the situation to God and He shines His light on us and the problem, then we usually see our motivation for what it is.

2. Check your attitude. Loving confrontation says, "I care about you." Don't hop on your bulldozer and bury your mate.

3. Check the circumstance. Pick a suitable time, location and setting. Don't confront your mate the moment he or she walks in the door after a hard day's work, at mealtime or in front of others.

4. Check to see what other pressures may be present. Be sensitive to where others are coming from. What's the context of their lives right now?

5. Be ready to take it as well as dish it out. Sometimes confronting someone can boomerang-he or she may have some stuff saved up for you that will spill out when you bring up an issue. If you expect others to listen, to understand, to hear you out and to accept your point of view, be ready to do the same yourself.

Discuss: Think of an issue or complaint you may want to air with your mate. Ask yourself if you are "projecting"-seeing your own faults in others. Before confronting them, reflect on whether the issue might be solved by "weeding your own garden" first.

Pray: That you can see your marriage relationship objectively, being sure you are willing to be judged by the same standards you hold for your mate.

---Excerpted from "Moments Together for Couples" by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Copyright 1995 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. All rights reserved. To purchase the book, visit http://www.familylife.com/1-800-358-6329/detail.asp?id=1170

Subscribe to this newsletter "Moments Together For Couples" by visiting www.familylife.com.

Managing Conflict God's Way

This was a devotional I received the other morning via email, and I wanted to share it with everyone. Be prepared to be touched & changed by the Word of God!!!

The Gentle Art of Confrontation

But speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ. Ephesians 4:15

No family is without conflicts, and when we let conflicts simmer without confrontation, they have a habit of boiling over and affecting our spiritual lives. William Wordsworth said: "He who has a good friend needs no mirror." Family members can learn to be each other's best friend by learning the gentle art of confrontation. Blessed is the marriage where both spouses feel the other is a good friend - one who will listen, reflect back, understand and work through whatever needs to be dealt with. Occasionally all this requires loving confrontation.

Of course, we must face the fact that some of us don't want to be confronted. Some people would rather be comfortable than Christlike. Many of Barbara's best statements to me are the ones that hurt a bit, but I need to hear them because they keep me on the right track.

Learning loving confrontation starts with love. As 1 Corinthians 13 points out, love expects the best of others. There's no way to confront someone else productively if you expect the worst or have a chip on your shoulder.

Loving confrontation is not nagging. It states its position without dragging it out for days. Being nagged at is no fun. Someone has said it's like being nibbled to death by a duck. Christian confrontation doesn't accuse; it focuses on "I" language, with my saying plainly how I feel. It avoids "You" language, which inevitably sounds condemning. There's a world of difference between saying, "I really don't like arriving at church late - can I do something to help?" and "You always make us late!"

Also, keep in mind that the people you love, but need to confront, are not your enemies. Your mate is never your enemy. Christian confrontation requires that you speak the truth - but always in love.


Discuss: Areas of agitation you try to suppress in order to keep a smooth relationship. Are you being honest with yourself or those you love? When should you bring up a problem issue?

Pray: For the courage to confront lovingly and also for the wisdom to know how to speak the truth in love.
---
Excerpted from "Moments Together for Couples" by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Copyright 1995 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. All rights reserved. To purchase the book, visit http://www.familylife.com/1-800-358-6329/detail.asp?id=1170

What To Do If Your Purse Or Wallet Is Stolen?

This came in one of the e-zines that I receive, and I felt that I needed to share it with my blogging audience. I think that it is good advice to help you protect you and your family.

In the event your purse or wallet is stolen, contact the three credit bureaus immediately. They are:

1. Equifax: 1-800-685-1111 / / www.Equifax.com
2. Experian: 1-888-397-3242 / / www.experian.com
3. Transunion: 1-800-888-4213 / / www.Transunion.com

Report a fraud alert to all three credit bureaus and freeze your credit. Next, file a police report to verify the incident and create a paper trail. Send copies to the credit bureaus with a letter requesting a free copy of your credit report. Put any disputes of fraudulent applications for credit in writing and include a copy of the police report.

Don't forget to call the Department of Motor Vehicles, or the DMV, to thwart the thief from obtaining a duplicate license in your name. In addition, protect yourself by paying your bills online. Just look for a secure symbol and use caution when entering information. This saves time, postage and possibly late fees caused by misdirected mail.

Quotable Quotes

"As long as you're going to be thinking anyway, THINK BIG."

~ Donald Trump

This is how I have been thinking lately. It has been really exciting to watch God work as I have taken the limits off of Him in my thinking. I have always known in my head that God is a BIG God, but it has finally really sunk down into my heart.

Since taking the limits off of God, Ed has gotten the job that he desired and loves. They are very family friendly and concerned about their employees work/life balance. For example, this Friday night I am going scrapbooking with some friends. They are letting Ed come home early to finish working from home, so I can get to my scrapbooking event at 5:00 pm. How cool is that???

We have put our house on the market and begun looking online at houses closer to Ed's office. As we have been looking, we have realized that we will be able to purchase a home on a lake which has been our dream for years. We honestly never thought we would see this dream realized. It is AMAZING what happens when you let God be God and take the limits off your thinking!!!

The Bible (New International Version) says in Psalm 37:4 : "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." I have really seen this verse come alive in my life as I have focused on "seeking first the kingdom of God." I have really been living out of my heart the last few months, and it is amazing the difference it makes.

I encourage you to take the limits off of God, THINK BIG, DREAM BIG, and live out of your heart!

Renew Your Spirit

Happy Sunday to everyone!

Today in FlyLady's system is a day she calls "Renew Your Spirit." I just had an "aha" moment thanks to an email she sent. I was thinking that renewing your spirit simply involved going to church and spending time doing spiritual things such as reading your Bible, praying, worshipping the Lord, and so on. FlyLady sent out a list today of some ideas on how to renew your spirit. Here is her list:

1. Go to church
2. Listen to wonderful music that you don't hear often.
3. Watch a movie that you love.
4. Read a book.
5. Go for a walk or hike.
6. Sit quietly in your favorite chair with your eyes closed.
7. Take an extra long bubble bath or shower by candle light.
8. Make a pot of soup for supper and let it simmer all day in the slow cooker while you relax.
9. Take a nap.
10. Go for a drive.
11. Turn off your phones.
12. Sit outside and listen to the birds.
13. Take your dog for a walk.
14. Curl up on the couch with a magazine.
15. Build a fire or light a candle.
16. Do the crossword puzzle.

This was such a revelation for me. I started to think of my own list that would renew my spirit. I would include everything from her list except walking the dog and doing the crossword, and I would add the following:

1. Scrapbook.
2. Coffee with a friend I haven't seen in a long time.
3. Journal.
4. Sudoku Puzzles.

What is on your list for activities that renew your spirit? When you renew your spirit, it helps you to keep your peace. As FlyLady said in her email, "Peace is Contagious." For more information regarding FlyLady and her AWESOME system that helps you learn how to FLY (Finally Loving Yourself), please visit www.flylady.net.

Be the Real You!

I was typing up notes from my Life After Work meeting from October. Renee Burt is the speaker at our meetings. She said something so profound that I have to share it with you.

Renee said, "Often times we think that we need to be perfect, but all people really want us to be perfectly real." For a former perfectionist, this is good news! I think that the world longs for us, as Christians, to get out from beyond our masks and be real! The churches that are being real and authentic are the ones that are seeing phenomenal growth! Make a determination in your spirit to be perfectly real with people!

Words to Live By

My friend passed these along to me this morning. It is a paraphrase of all the things Romans 12:1-2 and 9-21 in the New Living Translation says that we need to do and not to do to set ourselves apart for the Lord and make a difference in this world. Determine to make a difference today and shine your light for Jesus!

• Give your bodies to God to be a living sacrifice.
• Love others.
• Hate what is wrong.
• Honor each other delightfully.
• Serve the Lord enthusiastically.
• Rejoice in hope confidently.
• Be patient in troubles.
• Keep on praying.
• Help God’s people in need.
• Practice hospitality eagerly.
• Bless those who persecute you.
• Be happy with those who are happy and weep with those who weep.
• Live in harmony with others.
• Enjoy the company of ordinary people.
• Don’t be too proud.
• Don’t think you know it all.
• Remain honorable.
• Don’t pay back evil with evil.
• Live in peace with everyone.
• Never take revenge.
• Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

Twenty Free Gifts You Can Give

With the Christmas shopping seasons fast approaching (only 76 shopping days left), I thought that people would like to read about twenty free gifts they can give. Who doesn't like FREE is what I thought!! I found this list in Ellie Kay's book A Woman's Guide to Family Finances. This was a paraphrase by Ellie Kay. She originally found it in Chuck Swindoll's book The Finishing Touch.

1. Fix broken fences by mending a quarrel.
2. Seek out a friend you haven't seen in a while or who has been forgotten.
3. Hug someone and whisper, "I love you."
4. Forgive an enemy and pray for him or her.
5. Be patient with an angry person.
6. Express gratitude to someone in your world.
7. Make a child smile.
8. Find the time to keep a promise.
9. Make or bake something for someone else --- anonymously.
10. Speak kindly to a stranger and tell them a joke.
11. Enter into another's sorrows and cut the pain in half.
12. Smile. Laugh a little. Laugh a lot.
13. Take a walk with a friend.
14. Kneel down and pat a dog.
15. Lessen your expectations of others.
16. Apologize if you were wrong.
17. Turn off the television and talk.
18. Pray for someone who helped you when you hurt.
19. Give a soft answer even though you feel strongly.
20. Encourage an older person.